Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize