Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
