We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
