At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
