Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
