just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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