Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize