she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
