her vagine was all disorganized.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Randomize
