I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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