Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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