I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My breasts were aching with rage.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
