my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Randomize