I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
