you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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