I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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