i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
