did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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