accomplished twins. life is a go
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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