wakey wakey hands off snakey
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
