i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
