His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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