i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
