We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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