Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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