I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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