foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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