That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
