drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
