im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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