i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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