12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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