He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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