i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I need water and some morals
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
