I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize