Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize