Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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