is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
