She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
wow bdsm is so cute
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
