I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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