He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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