I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
