i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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