I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize