Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
