Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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