I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
