My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize