then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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