She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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