SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
