were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
