It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
