I don't usually arrange sex via text message
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
