One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just want to make out with him forever
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
