I wannas sexs uuuuu
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
