I heard we made out
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
