my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
