Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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