Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
