My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
