i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
