It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
