I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
