There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
