you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
