It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
