so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
