i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize