guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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